If they feel…let them.

I’ll start out by saying yes, this is a true story.

“You have a brain tumor,” the doctor said quietly. I sat there, stunned, not sure I had heard correctly. She sensed my disbelief and added, “It’s about the size of a golf ball,” as though these details would help. I was numb the rest of the visit. 

Hours later…or were those minutes? the flood of emotions barrelled through. 

No one could change the script. Not my husband, my parents, the doctors themselves.  It was happening, and happening to me. There wasn’t a magic pixie dust that would prevent me from having to just go through it. There weren’t alternatives that didn’t involve pain or discomfort – and all the feelings that came with it. 

I was frightened (I might actually die)

I was overwhelmed (I might actually die)

I was hopeful (doctors are scientists)

I was relieved (we found a cutting edge hospital)

I was anxious(needles, surgery…I will save you the details)

I was grateful (for the hands who supported me)

I was happy (when my third graders told me they didn’t want me to wear the scarf to cover my head)

I was frustrated (recovery is a bitch, y’all)

And a myriad of other feelings.

Yes, in this situation, you’re saying, “Of course! All those feelings are to be expected!” 

YES. That’s the point here, actually. I went through, experienced, felt, and rode the wave of all those emotions. And that’s normal.

As a 27 year old, I knew about each and every one of those emotions before this challenge came up. Not one was new to me. I had cried over loss, vented in anger, felt like throwing up when worried. I knew how to name them, I knew they would be like a roller coaster and that was ok.

I use that touchstone experience to help me with my kids - at home and in the classroom. I center how I react to their emotions through the lens that every emotion they feel is absolutely ok - no, more than that - welcome.

Dr. Becky Kennedy defines mental health as, “Having a range of emotions and managing them.” Step one, let them feel…even when it hurts us to see them hurting, upset, or sad. They are learning about being human. 

This humanness isn’t always roses and bubbles. That’s NORMAL. Sit with them, give those feelings names. Look them in the eye and say, “I’m here.”

They’re not reaching out to you for solutions…they just want to connect, to feel, to ride the wave out with someone nearby. 

Next step…managing those emotions! Come back next week!