I was measuring wrong…

Lately there’s been a ton of change in my life.

I’m not in the classroom anymore. I've dropped my gym membership. I’m not hanging out at the baseball fields during practice. Some of those changes were choices that I made, some just naturally happened as I age. All, however, came with a level of loss.

Some of you are ready to pick up the phone and check on me. Hold on. I’m ok.

Actually, I’m learning new things every day as a baby business owner. I am running in nature and helping my husband re-landscape to get my daily exercise fix. I’m listening to my child relate what he and his coaches are doing during his sessions at school.

It’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I can flip my internal script like that. I used to avoid change at all costs.  When I couldn’t do that, I fought it. When that didn’t work, I got sad about it. That sounds miserable, and it was. 

One of the things I want most for my boys is that they are able to adapt and find happiness in whatever comes their way. Funny how I wasn’t focused on that for myself. Do as I say, not as I do? How will they know what that looks and sounds like if I am not modeling that for them?

With them in mind, I got brave. I took a look at myself. 

I discovered that I’d not just been measuring wrong, I wasn’t even setting my own standards. I had handed my measurement tool to others to determine.  A few weeks ago, in our YouTube video, I shared how, as a kid, I believed learning was performance. If my grades were good, that must mean that I was smart. I let the results tell me who I was rather than recognizing that those grades were simply feedback about work I did. That backward mindset bled into many areas of life.

We do that, right? Measure ourselves by external outcomes, stages, and criteria. Instead of a process, I saw myself as a product. 

I’m not crazy. I know grades, salaries, beginnings and endings exist. Feelings about those are real, and all those feelings are not only ok, they are normal and necessary. However, I am not defined by them. I forge my own worth.

How do we do that, for ourselves and for our kids?

I literally make myself look for something that I am learning and grateful for in the midst of something hard. I choose to see myself and this experience as a part of a process. It’s something I always have control of. I decided to see the good. And it’s really helped. It’s brought me to a new level of contentment.

It’s like I invented a new measurement tool for myself. It’s super flexible and always at my disposal. It’s not changing the situation, it’s changing how I SEE the situation. When I look at things differently, I feel lighter and happier too.

It’s a bit different for the things-I’m-grateful-for list I write at Thanksgiving. It’s an always-be-aware, every day mindset. Suddenly everything is manageable, integrated, and has a purpose in the bigger scheme of things. 

Try it for yourself. When your child brings home those grades this term - positive or negative - instead of thinking about it as a finale, remember it’s a piece. The story of their learning isn’t over. Look for the growth they’ve made, or the role this might play in steering them. It will change the way you think, how you feel, and how you relate to them.

As teachers, instead of dashing about these last few weeks trying to “make everything happen,” try pausing to see how these busy days fit into the whole year. There won’t be another single day the rest of the year that will be today. How amazing to think about how important that makes it. What measurement do you want to apply to it?

With the holidays, the bustle, the changes around you, be aware if you feel strung out - check in with yourself. How are you measuring the here and now? Are you focusing on a product or a process? Try flipping the script and snuggle it into YOUR bigger picture. You’ll be glad you did.

I’d love to hear how you feel.