Roadblock or Invitation?

This sucks. Why does math always feel so hard?

Last time, this kind of problem was really hard for me and I barely finished in time…and now I have to do this again?

I’m just going to search it up…Googling it will be easier.

Anytime I hand a student a challenging math problem, they make a choice. It may feel to them like adults make all the decisions, and we do make a lot…but those are about the external circumstances. I’m talking about what the student decides in their head about that math problem, the story they tell themselves. And that story choice? It makes all the difference in how much that student learns. 

Most kids don’t really think about that choice and how much power it holds…pretty much ever. How they feel and their patterns of thinking about each school activity run in the background while they’re focused on just getting everything done in a day. 

When we coach kids to become more self-aware of these thinking patterns, they notice how much power their own thoughts really have. And here’s the kicker…do they choose to view challenging learning experiences as a roadblock or as an invitation? 

I can hand the same math problem to two different struggling math students. The first student groans before they’ve even read the whole problem, leaves their table to take a bathroom break and sharpens their pencil, makes a guess about the problem’s answer, shows minimal work on the page, and is one of the first students to turn in their paper. Phew! I hurdled over that roadblock and that crappy experience is past. 

The second student doesn’t groan but takes a deep breath while they’re reading the problem. The first read is confusing, so they read through the problem again and underline important information this time. The problem reminds them of a similar problem they worked hard to solve last week, so they reflect on strategies that helped last time. Then they write down an equation that matches the problem. The student raises their hand and asks the teacher, “Can I have some feedback on my equation before I start solving?” The teacher provides feedback about parts of the equation that aren’t accurate yet and the student takes another deep breath. This is hard, and I’m learning a lot here. My brain is growing. 

Same struggles with challenging work. Completely different levels of focus, self-motivation, time on task, expectations of understanding and not just completion, willingness and bravery to ask for feedback and clarify thinking…total contrast between those two learners. 

For a lot of kids, anything challenging causes an almost immediate shutdown. They see challenge as a roadblock and they just stop. Sometimes they wait for an adult to walk them through each step, sometimes they bubble over with frustration, and sometimes they disengage, and that new learning just washes over them. None of those states create lasting understanding at a deep level. Not to mention the obvious here…that life is full of big and small challenges. Our approach to moments of challenge matters far beyond the classroom. 

What happens when we reframe challenges from roadblocks to invitations? Unpacking that metaphor means a shift from showing what you already know to asking questions about what you don’t know yet. It means shifting from avoiding mistakes to leaning into mistakes as information and growth opportunities. It means expecting that new learning doesn’t feel easy and that’s okay…some discomfort often accompanies growth. 

But we’re the adults. We’re not in their head and we can’t choose our kids’ approach to challenges. What can we do? Actually, there’s A LOT we can do. 

Here’s a biggie: how do we approach challenges in front of our kids? How do we show up when we’re overwhelmed, not sure where to start, or if we even want to try? Our words and actions, especially over time, affect our kids’ go-to approach to challenge. 

We can also normalize the discomfort that comes with hard work through challenge. It’s okay to feel a little uncomfortable, a little frustrated, tired, and even completely stuck. These are all part of learning something new and tough. We can even tell ourselves, “I am frustrated and I know that it helps to take a deep breath so I can chill out and keep working. I can do tough things.” 

Finally, help kids remember times when they’ve done something hard in the past…that’s a confidence boost to dig in once again. Even if that memory is about something unrelated, like how they mastered a new swimming stroke, that can still remind kids about the persistence, focus, pushing through discomfort, and asking questions when needed that are all part of big work. 

Academic resilience, persistence through discomfort, openness to new experiences…there’s such room for growth when a challenge is extended. Start with a reframe when those tricky moments come up - roadblock or invitation?